Vicevi o bubnjarima
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- ProFTW
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Re: Vicevi o bubnjarima
Najjaci text za majicu.
"I'm a Drummer.I'm not paid to understand any of this."
"I'm a Drummer.I'm not paid to understand any of this."
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Re: Vicevi o bubnjarima
Nije (samo) o bubnjarima, ali je prilicno smesno:
HOW JAZZ WORKS (List of Characters)
Piano: Pianists are intellectuals and know-it-alls. They studied theory, harmony and composition in college. Most are riddled with self-doubt. They are usually bald. They should have big hands, but often don't. They were social rejects as adolescents. They go home after the gig and play with toy soldiers. Pianists have a special love-hate relationship with singers. If you talk to the piano player during a break, he will condescend.
Bass: Bassists are not terribly smart. The best Bassists come to terms with their limitations by playing simple lines and rarely soloing. During the better musical moments, a Bassist will pull his strings hard and grunt like an animal. Bass players are built big, with paws for hands, and they are always bent over awkwardly. If you talk to the Bassist during a break, you will not be able to tell whether or not he's listening.
Drums: Drummers are radical. Specific personalities vary, but are always extreme. A drummer might be the funniest person in the world, or the most psychotic, or the smelliest. Drummers are uneasy because of the many jokes about them, most of which stem from the fact that they aren't really musicians. Pianists are particularly successful at making drummers feel bad. Most drummers are highly excitable; when excited, they play louder. If you decide to talk to the drummer during a break, always be careful not to sneak up on him.
Saxophone: Saxophonists think they are the most important players on stage. Consequently, they are temperamental and territorial. They know all the Coltrane and Bird licks but have their own sound, a mixture of Coltrane and Bird. They take exceptionally long solos, which reach a peak half way through and then just don't stop. They practice quietly but audibly while other people are trying to play. They are obsessed. Saxophonists sleep with their instruments, forget to shower, and are mangy. If you talk to a saxophonist during a break, you will hear a lot of excuses about his reeds.
Trumpet: Trumpet players are image-conscious and walk with a swagger. They are often former college linebackers. Trumpet players are very attractive to women, despite the strange indentation on their lips. Many of them sing; misguided critics then compare them to either Louis Armstrong or Chet Baker depending whether they're black or white. Arrive at the session early, and you may get to witness the special trumpet game. The rules are: play as loud and as high as possible. The winner is the one who plays loudest and highest. If you talk to a trumpet player during a break, he might confess that his favorite player is Maynard Ferguson, the merciless God of loud-high trumpeting.
Guitar: Jazz guitarists are never very happy. Deep inside they want to be rock stars, but they're old and overweight. In protest, they wear their hair long, prowl for groupies, drink a lot, and play too loud. Guitarists hate piano players because they can hit ten notes at once, but guitarists make up for it by playing as fast as they can. The more a guitarist drinks, the higher he turns his amp. Then the drummer starts to play harder, and the trumpeter dips into his loud/high arsenal. Suddenly, the saxophonist's universe crumbles, because he is no longer the most important player on stage. He packs up his horn, nicks his best reed in haste, and storms out of the room. The pianist struggles to suppress a laugh. If you talk to a guitarist during the break he'll ask intimate questions about your 14-year-old sister.
Vocals: Vocalists are whimsical creations of the all-powerful jazz gods. They are placed in sessions to test musicians' capacity for suffering. They are not of the jazz world, but enter it surreptitiously. Example A: young woman is playing minor roles in college musical theater. One day, a misguided campus newspaper critic describes her singing as "...jazzy." Viola! A star is born! Quickly she learns "My Funny Valentine," "Summertime," and "Route 66." Her training complete, she embarks on a campaign of musical terrorism. Musicians flee from the bandstand as she approaches. Those who must remain feel the full fury of the jazz universe. The vocalist will try to seduce you _ and the rest of the audience _ by making eye contact, acknowledging your presence, even talking to you between tunes. DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP! Look away, make your distaste obvious. Otherwise the musicians will avoid you during their breaks. Incidentally, if you talk to a vocalist during a break, she will introduce you to her "manager."
Trombone: The trombone is known for its pleading, voice-like quality. "Listen," it seems to say in the male tenor range, "Why won't anybody hire me for a gig?" Trombonists like to play fast, because their notes become indistinguishable and thus immune to criticism. Most trombonists played trumpet in their early years, then decided they didn't want to walk around with a strange indentation on their lips. Now they hate trumpet players, who somehow get all the women despite this disfigurement. Trombonists are usually tall and lean, with forlorn faces. They don't eat much. They have to be very friendly, because nobody really needs a trombonist. Talk to a trombonist during a break and he'll ask you for a gig, try to sell you insurance, or offer to mow your lawn.
- ProFTW
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Re: Vicevi o bubnjarima
Ja se slazem sa ovimOgnjen wrote: Trumpet players are very attractive to women
ka-PAU
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Re: Vicevi o bubnjarima
Ne znam da l' je bilo, ali ovo nije vic, vec istina!!!
Top 10 Reasons to Date a Drummer:
1. Our coordination is incredible.
2. We can keep any tempo you want.
3. No matter what speed we go, we can make it good.
4. No matter how tired we are, we always finish the job.
5. We can follow the lead, or take it.
6. We love to bang.
7. No objections to performing in front of an audience.
8. We know how to handle our sticks.
9. We know the best spots to hit.
10. By the time we’re done, you’ll be cheering for more.
Top 10 Reasons to Date a Drummer:
1. Our coordination is incredible.
2. We can keep any tempo you want.
3. No matter what speed we go, we can make it good.
4. No matter how tired we are, we always finish the job.
5. We can follow the lead, or take it.
6. We love to bang.
7. No objections to performing in front of an audience.
8. We know how to handle our sticks.
9. We know the best spots to hit.
10. By the time we’re done, you’ll be cheering for more.
- digrejzo
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Re: Vicevi o bubnjarima
Možda neće svako skontati ovaj, ali nema veze.
Kako prepoznati Death Metal bubnjara?
- Pedale su mu skuplje od ostatka seta.
Kako prepoznati Death Metal bubnjara?
- Pedale su mu skuplje od ostatka seta.
Mi smo stari spid metalci, do kraja ostajemo dosledni svome stilu, nemojte da nam puštate ništa, ako nije tandara, tandara, tupa, tupa, seremo vam se u muziku.
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Re: Vicevi o bubnjarima
Kontam...
Don't try to turn me into something I don't want to be - you'll be the one suffering in the end...
- roba165
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Re: Vicevi o bubnjarima
Ovo je jako dobro IstinaNe znam da l' je bilo, ali ovo nije vic, vec istina!!!
Top 10 Reasons to Date a Drummer:
1. Our coordination is incredible.
2. We can keep any tempo you want.
3. No matter what speed we go, we can make it good.
4. No matter how tired we are, we always finish the job.
5. We can follow the lead, or take it.
6. We love to bang.
7. No objections to performing in front of an audience.
8. We know how to handle our sticks.
9. We know the best spots to hit.
10. By the time we’re done, you’ll be cheering for more.
- KIBEL BUBNJAR
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Re: Vicevi o bubnjarima
Drobac wrote:Možda neće svako skontati ovaj, ali nema veze.
Kako prepoznati Death Metal bubnjara?
- Pedale su mu skuplje od ostatka seta.
To je konkretno tvoj slucaj sto se tice bass pedale xD?
I see dead people :'(
- Drobac
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Re: Vicevi o bubnjarima
To je sa mnom uvek bio slučaj.
Mi smo stari spid metalci, do kraja ostajemo dosledni svome stilu, nemojte da nam puštate ništa, ako nije tandara, tandara, tupa, tupa, seremo vam se u muziku.
- SelenaS
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Re: Vicevi o bubnjarima
Bubnjar je najbolji covekov prijatelj
Mislim da je bilo nesto slicno ,al' ajd
Resio bubnjar da promeni instrument i odlucio da svira harmoniku
Ulazi u muzicku radnju i pita prodavacicu : "Izvinite ,gde vam stoje harmonike?"
Prodavacica :"Odmah levo "
Bubnjar: "Koliko kosta velika crvena u cosku?"
Prodavacica :"Da li ste vi bubnjar?"
Bubnjar :" Da.Kako ste znali ?"
Prodavacica: "To nije harmonika, to je radijator! "
Mislim da je bilo nesto slicno ,al' ajd
Resio bubnjar da promeni instrument i odlucio da svira harmoniku
Ulazi u muzicku radnju i pita prodavacicu : "Izvinite ,gde vam stoje harmonike?"
Prodavacica :"Odmah levo "
Bubnjar: "Koliko kosta velika crvena u cosku?"
Prodavacica :"Da li ste vi bubnjar?"
Bubnjar :" Da.Kako ste znali ?"
Prodavacica: "To nije harmonika, to je radijator! "
- DjoleObr
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Re: Vicevi o bubnjarima
Ja retko kada cujem viceve o bubnjarima ali ja imam 1 anegdotu
Na jednoj probi mi zavrsavamo pesmu i bilo je neke price o pravljenju autorskih pesama....
I sada trebalo je osmisliti neshto a usput sam ja rekao rec MISLIM da treba ....(bla,bla,truc,truc...)
A svi clanovi iz benda su mi u sekundi odgovorili Tvoje nije da mislis tvoje je da svirash
Na jednoj probi mi zavrsavamo pesmu i bilo je neke price o pravljenju autorskih pesama....
I sada trebalo je osmisliti neshto a usput sam ja rekao rec MISLIM da treba ....(bla,bla,truc,truc...)
A svi clanovi iz benda su mi u sekundi odgovorili Tvoje nije da mislis tvoje je da svirash
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https://www.youtube.com/user/DjoleObr/videos
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Re: Vicevi o bubnjarima
bubnjarski mozak
dolazi covek u prodavnicu ljudskih organa i trazi mozak,ali iskljucivo da bude mozak muzicara
prodavac-imamo od klavijaturiste 3000 e
-gitariste 5000 e
i od bubnjara 10 000 e
-gospodine pa tu nema logike
prodavac-IMA,IMA.....STA TI MISLIS KOLIKO SMO UBILI BUBNJARA ZA OVO MALO MOZGA?
dolazi covek u prodavnicu ljudskih organa i trazi mozak,ali iskljucivo da bude mozak muzicara
prodavac-imamo od klavijaturiste 3000 e
-gitariste 5000 e
i od bubnjara 10 000 e
-gospodine pa tu nema logike
prodavac-IMA,IMA.....STA TI MISLIS KOLIKO SMO UBILI BUBNJARA ZA OVO MALO MOZGA?
- KIBEL BUBNJAR
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Re: Vicevi o bubnjarima
1. Nađu se glazbenik i bubnjar...
2. Koja je razlika bubnjara i pizze?
Pizza može prehraniti obitelj!
3. Što najčešće govori zaposleni bubnjar?
Navali narode, kila mrkve 8 kuna!!!
4. Zašto je ritam mašina bolja od bubnjara?
Drži ritam i neće basistu pokupiti žensku!
5. Koja je razlika između bubnjara i kondoma?
Ne postoji razlika - s objima je sigurnije, ali je zabavnije bez njih....
6. Jazz gitarist i jazz bubnjar stoje na pločniku i čekaju taxi. Tko je bolji glazbenik?
Taksist!
7. Koja je razlika između bubnjara i prostitutke?
Prostitutka ima bolji osjećaj za ritam!
8. Zašto bubnjari uvijek drže palice na armaturi auta dok voze?
Da se mogu parkirati na invalidska mjesta!
9. Koja je razlika bubnjara i ritam mašine?
Ritam mašina neće ubrzati!
A što im je zajedničko?
Nemaju mozak!
10. Pitanje zastupniku Ludwiga: Zašto su vaši bubnjevi tako veliki?
Odgovor: Da budemo sigurni da će ih bubnjari moći pogoditi!
11. Zašto bubnjar ima 40ak kostiju više nego običan čovjek?
Zato što njegov mozak još uvijek radi mehanički!
12. Po ćemu se zna da je podij za bubnjeve savršeno ravno postavljen na stage?
Po tome što bubnjaru iz objih kutova usta ravnomjerno curi slina tokom svirke!
13. Kvragu, zašto onda bendovi uopće imaju bubnjare?!?
Netko mora pripremiti basistu za probu: oprat ga, obući i dovesti na probu (a onda toliko glasno svirati da se basistu ni ne čuje više....)
14. A ćemu služi basist onda?
On tokom probe prevodi bubnjaru što su ostali članovi htjeli reći!
2. Koja je razlika bubnjara i pizze?
Pizza može prehraniti obitelj!
3. Što najčešće govori zaposleni bubnjar?
Navali narode, kila mrkve 8 kuna!!!
4. Zašto je ritam mašina bolja od bubnjara?
Drži ritam i neće basistu pokupiti žensku!
5. Koja je razlika između bubnjara i kondoma?
Ne postoji razlika - s objima je sigurnije, ali je zabavnije bez njih....
6. Jazz gitarist i jazz bubnjar stoje na pločniku i čekaju taxi. Tko je bolji glazbenik?
Taksist!
7. Koja je razlika između bubnjara i prostitutke?
Prostitutka ima bolji osjećaj za ritam!
8. Zašto bubnjari uvijek drže palice na armaturi auta dok voze?
Da se mogu parkirati na invalidska mjesta!
9. Koja je razlika bubnjara i ritam mašine?
Ritam mašina neće ubrzati!
A što im je zajedničko?
Nemaju mozak!
10. Pitanje zastupniku Ludwiga: Zašto su vaši bubnjevi tako veliki?
Odgovor: Da budemo sigurni da će ih bubnjari moći pogoditi!
11. Zašto bubnjar ima 40ak kostiju više nego običan čovjek?
Zato što njegov mozak još uvijek radi mehanički!
12. Po ćemu se zna da je podij za bubnjeve savršeno ravno postavljen na stage?
Po tome što bubnjaru iz objih kutova usta ravnomjerno curi slina tokom svirke!
13. Kvragu, zašto onda bendovi uopće imaju bubnjare?!?
Netko mora pripremiti basistu za probu: oprat ga, obući i dovesti na probu (a onda toliko glasno svirati da se basistu ni ne čuje više....)
14. A ćemu služi basist onda?
On tokom probe prevodi bubnjaru što su ostali članovi htjeli reći!
I see dead people :'(